Will You Heal Me?!

The worse way to enter a new relationship is hurt, broken, and abused from the last failed relationship. No matter how much you try to smile and act whole, the more your “brokenness” seems to ooze out like puss from a sore. You can bandage it, but the smallest amount of irritability will cause it to rupture again, causing the wound to be worse than its initial occurrence.

“Hurt people, hurt people” is so cliche yet so true. A hurt person will seek love from a person and deep down want that person to heal the wounds they are afraid to face. So many times hurt people don’t know how to reach out for help, they are fearful of the judgment that will come from their words.

I wanted him to heal me. I wanted him to commit to loving me and never leaving my side. I was selfish in thinking he had the power to heal what only God could do. Maybe if I would have took the time off it would have worked?! Purpose. It was a purpose for it all. Until I was truly alone I was able to rely solely on God to heal me. I was able to rely on God to be everything I want the relationship to be.

Hurt has purpose. Abuse has purpose. Addictions have purpose. Sin has purpose. All of these things have purpose to propel you to destiny.

Will you Heal Me?
Will you uncover the mysteries behind my wounds?
Will you cuddle me until I feel strong enough to deal with reality?
Will you love me past my wounds?

Sadly, you won’t be able to be as powerful as I need you to be to HEAL ME!

Addicted to the Wrong Love

Everybody shows love differently. LOVE can cause some to become clingy or distant. I’m addicted to the wrong love. I’m addicted to the love I must work extra hard for. The love that requires overtime in the fourth quarter of the championship game. The love that causes me to miss valuable life moments, because I am waiting for it to be reciprocated. I’m addicted to the love that causes me hurt and pain. I’m addicted to the love I know I deserve more from, but yet it feels good to receive this particular love because it makes me feel like someone. I’m addicted to the wrong love and when it is gone I feel like I have lost the best thing that has ever happened to me…. #DeliveranceFromTheNotEnough

First Battle..Lost…But the War Ain’t Over

After walking into court, nervous as a child walking into a kindergarten class for the first time, I left out in pure defeat.

After the protective order was denied and the defendant gave his (lies) I soon realized that this road to closure was not gonna be a wide one and it surely wasn’t going to be easy. I realized that it will be one that must be studied and mastered. I realized that if I don’t change the way I travel (anger) that I will live the rest of my life in defeat.

As I type this with tears in my eyes I realize there are so many women out there like me. They tell their story of abuse yet nobody comes to their rescue. They try to move on with their life but remnants of past pain hunt the way they cope with minor disappointments in new relationships. They give freely of themselves and are disappointed when its not given in return. They KNOW they deserve more, but yet feel stuck in a box on an isolated, desolated island.

You all never know hurt until you have experienced it. You will never know how to help another person heal if you never have went through the process.

I BELIEVE GOD! “So the last will be first, and the first will be last.” -Matthew 20:16

Delayed…REACTION

I learned that some people study you to know your trigger points. These are the points that if touched inappropriately will cause you to react in an unpredicted way.

Number blocked?

Texts blocked?

Facebook blocked?

All and more are cowardly ways that these pressure points are tickled.

So many times people thrive off of power. When they feel that they have lost the power they will do anything to get back at that person…Its a series of events that back you into a corner and cause you to act in a manner that the other person desires to possibly get back what you really want from them not need.

I myself am guilty…Playing in the amusement park of events, rides, themed events that cause me to react in a ¬†way that never benefits me, but benefits the person that applied negative pressure in my life.

The focus now is not to simply stop their actions, but stop how I REACT. In the end my reaction doesn’t effect the person, it EFFECTS ME and my FUTURE!!