Laughter. Holding Hands. Kissing. The feeling of Real Butterflies. Those are the signs of an unseen connection..An unforeseen cord that is slowly tangling itself together…Those are the beginning stages of LOVE..Yet the way a cord can be woven together is the same way it can be undone. Love its so mysterious and all of us have experienced it before, its just like a child playing with his/her favorite toy. The only time their happy is with the toy and the only time they are crying is without it.
I have love and I have lost, but this recent loss, AFTER THE KLUTH, has to be the second worse one. I try and search and figure out how to retrace my steps, but I remember first impressions are permanent. I was falling…falling…falling to deep, to soon….I feel I shouldn’t have opened up…Where did I go wrong I ask myself? I thought he was an answered prayer….Yet again I feel like a failure.
I wanna pack one bag. Buy a one-way ticket to Europe. And spend a year truly finding myself. I’m so intelligent yet so lost, I’m locked in this image of “I’ve Made It” yet I feel farther from success than before. It’s funny how our mistakes will push us down to the ground and make us realize that one mistake can truly cost us our entire being.
I find some comfort in realizing, maybe just maybe he wasn’t the one and its just another hurdle to make me stronger than ever before.
I have realized that I have done many wrong things in life, but in the still of a cool, Louisiana afternoon when the wind is breezing by and the sun is a hint of golden yellow, I desire to walk around the lake with a man that LOVES ME for ME. I sometimes say that I am a difficult human, confrontational (little), emotional (much), but will give my all to the one I love to make them smile..I did it for the wrong person, people, persons for to many seconds, minutes, hours, weeks, months, and years. I deserved to be LOVED by the man God has designed for me.
Yet, we pray and it seems like that walks in after a couple months of continuously praying for a husband is him! We can become mesmerized by their relationships with friends, family, and its an added plus if he is a constant member of a thriving church! *Geesh (I felt I hit the JACKPOT)* There is nothing like meeting a person that is sensitive to your needs and that wants to do nothing, but spend time with you! Yet sometimes things can seem so perfect that we forget to stop…slow down…process and not get caught up in the hoopla! This is the point that I forget, the point that I stop, the point that I feel I have arrived. This is when I feel I have met the man that I deserved to be LOVED by that God designed just for me.
Time…Time…Emotions…Life can get away and the actions and personalities can change so quickly that….Well…..Let’s say that prayer that was left on hold…We go to grab it quickly like a dangling old school phone, before it hits the floor…BECAUSE….I deserved to be LOVED by the man God has designed for me.