Will You Heal Me?!

The worse way to enter a new relationship is hurt, broken, and abused from the last failed relationship. No matter how much you try to smile and act whole, the more your “brokenness” seems to ooze out like puss from a sore. You can bandage it, but the smallest amount of irritability will cause it to rupture again, causing the wound to be worse than its initial occurrence.

“Hurt people, hurt people” is so cliche yet so true. A hurt person will seek love from a person and deep down want that person to heal the wounds they are afraid to face. So many times hurt people don’t know how to reach out for help, they are fearful of the judgment that will come from their words.

I wanted him to heal me. I wanted him to commit to loving me and never leaving my side. I was selfish in thinking he had the power to heal what only God could do. Maybe if I would have took the time off it would have worked?! Purpose. It was a purpose for it all. Until I was truly alone I was able to rely solely on God to heal me. I was able to rely on God to be everything I want the relationship to be.

Hurt has purpose. Abuse has purpose. Addictions have purpose. Sin has purpose. All of these things have purpose to propel you to destiny.

Will you Heal Me?
Will you uncover the mysteries behind my wounds?
Will you cuddle me until I feel strong enough to deal with reality?
Will you love me past my wounds?

Sadly, you won’t be able to be as powerful as I need you to be to HEAL ME!

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The Worse Mountain to Climb

Laughter. Holding Hands. Kissing. The feeling of Real Butterflies. Those are the signs of an unseen connection..An unforeseen cord that is slowly tangling itself together…Those are the beginning stages of LOVE..Yet the way a cord can be woven together is the same way it can be undone. Love its so mysterious and all of us have experienced it before, its just like a child playing with his/her favorite toy. The only time their happy is with the toy and the only time they are crying is without it.

I have love and I have lost, but this recent loss, AFTER THE KLUTH, has to be the second worse one. I try and search and figure out how to retrace my steps, but I remember first impressions are permanent. I was falling…falling…falling to deep, to soon….I feel I shouldn’t have opened up…Where did I go wrong I ask myself? I thought he was an answered prayer….Yet again I feel like a failure.

I wanna pack one bag. Buy a one-way ticket to Europe. And spend a year truly finding myself. I’m so intelligent yet so lost, I’m locked in this image of “I’ve Made It” yet I feel farther from success than before. It’s funny how our mistakes will push us down to the ground and make us realize that one mistake can truly cost us our entire being.

I find some comfort in realizing, maybe just maybe he wasn’t the one and its just another hurdle to make me stronger than ever before.