Will You Heal Me?!

The worse way to enter a new relationship is hurt, broken, and abused from the last failed relationship. No matter how much you try to smile and act whole, the more your “brokenness” seems to ooze out like puss from a sore. You can bandage it, but the smallest amount of irritability will cause it to rupture again, causing the wound to be worse than its initial occurrence.

“Hurt people, hurt people” is so cliche yet so true. A hurt person will seek love from a person and deep down want that person to heal the wounds they are afraid to face. So many times hurt people don’t know how to reach out for help, they are fearful of the judgment that will come from their words.

I wanted him to heal me. I wanted him to commit to loving me and never leaving my side. I was selfish in thinking he had the power to heal what only God could do. Maybe if I would have took the time off it would have worked?! Purpose. It was a purpose for it all. Until I was truly alone I was able to rely solely on God to heal me. I was able to rely on God to be everything I want the relationship to be.

Hurt has purpose. Abuse has purpose. Addictions have purpose. Sin has purpose. All of these things have purpose to propel you to destiny.

Will you Heal Me?
Will you uncover the mysteries behind my wounds?
Will you cuddle me until I feel strong enough to deal with reality?
Will you love me past my wounds?

Sadly, you won’t be able to be as powerful as I need you to be to HEAL ME!

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I Miss The Way…Things Could Have Been

Life can make you feel like you have already died, yet you are still living. Life has a way of beating you down until, you forget all the dreams and ambitions you had when you once were up. I know the feeling this is me. Yet despite the turmoil I put myself through and the turmoil I have allowed others to cause, I still believe there is hope for me.

Five years caused a mindset of someone to be lost from reality and living in a fantasy. The situation was wrong, yet I indulged in it, because it was the only sense of self-worth I had. Abuse after a bust I found my way out. Met a new person that I thought I would marry (Lord was I wrong). Only to be broken even more and questioning my self-worth. I learned about the things I needed to fix about myself, but I also learned there were some things that I just should not accept…Inconsistency being one. I try so hard to pray yet it feels like I’m so far. I’m thankful for grace & mercy because they kept me through it all. Divine favor is upon my life and despite my past it will not effect my future.

I miss what was and what could have been.

I am sad I fell in love with potential and not reality first. Maybe now, I wouldn’t be two months trying to forget you.

Addicted to the Wrong Love

Everybody shows love differently. LOVE can cause some to become clingy or distant. I’m addicted to the wrong love. I’m addicted to the love I must work extra hard for. The love that requires overtime in the fourth quarter of the championship game. The love that causes me to miss valuable life moments, because I am waiting for it to be reciprocated. I’m addicted to the love that causes me hurt and pain. I’m addicted to the love I know I deserve more from, but yet it feels good to receive this particular love because it makes me feel like someone. I’m addicted to the wrong love and when it is gone I feel like I have lost the best thing that has ever happened to me…. #DeliveranceFromTheNotEnough